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When is speaking up worth it?

On Saturday, I’m going to Vancouver with @jonesee90, to see NKOTBSB.

The wonderful man in my life bought me the ticket months ago, and I can’t believe that the week has finally arrived!  I am bouncing around in all kinds of excitement.

Wouldn't we make cute babies?

I have been an NKOTB fan since I was about 12 years old. It was some time in Grade 8 when it all started. Since they have been back together and touring again, I have been having a blast reliving my teenage years, dancing and singing along to the “5 Bad Brother from the Beantown land”.  Even if I did have to stop loving them during the Stanley Cup Finals,  as long as they don’t perform wearing their Boston Bruins jerseys in the Vancouver Canucks building! Last year, I even lined up to get the chance to meet my favourite New Kid, Joey McIntyre.

Anyway, since the concert this weekend is in Vancouver, I decided it would be nice to get in touch with one of my oldest friends in the world and suggest a lunch date.  Since I don’t travel to the mainland often, and she rarely gets to the island, I thought it would be nice to set aside some time to see each other.  Last time we saw each other was the day of the BMO Vancouver Marathon, when I took a cab from the finish line, over to Kitsilano to have lunch with her, then took a cab back to the finish line to meet up with my ride back to the ferries.  Yup, you read that right, after completing a marathon, I made my way, stiff legs and tired body, across town to meet her.

Now I adore my friend, and I know that she has a busy life with her husband and 19 month old son, but still.

So this week, I suggested a time for me to drive to her neck of the woods, while I am in Vancouver, to have lunch together.   Knowing that she has her son, and the family only has one car, I thought I would make it as easy as possible for her.

I still got a ‘no’.

“We are going to be trying to sell our car, as well as maybe heading out to Ikea this weekend because we can’t do it during the week.”

I’m sorry, a trip to Ikea, because you can’t do it during the week is more important than a friend of 24 years that you only get a chance to see once every few months?  Last time I checked, Ikea isn’t going out of business and will be there next week!  I, on the other hand, won’t be there next week and don’t know when I will be there next.

I’m not sure if I am out of line being upset about this.  It just seems to me that quality time with a person you rarely get to see should hold more weight than a trip to Ikea.

Am I the only person who would put aside my to-do list, for a chance to spend time with a friend I rarely see?

So what do I do, do I sweep it under the rug and just let it be, or do I bring it up and start a potentially awkward conversation?


What would you do? What would you except of your friends in this situation??



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  1. bsimas says:

    Feeling upset about this is totally understandable. If I were you, I would mention it to her. What’s the worst that could happen? At the very least, she’ll know how she made you feel. Besides, she could always go to Ikea after lunch. Good luck.

  2. Kathryn says:

    If you guys are good friends you should be able to tell eachother when the other is being hurtful. If you think you can let it go and chalk it up to being a bad weekend (which it just might be for her) then don’t say anything and catch up with her next time.

    If you think you’re going to dwell on it and continue to be upset you probably need to say something otherwise you’ll end up holding a grudge which will hurt your friendship.

    I’ve had a friendship end based on a grudge a friend was holding that I would have rather heard about than let it fester and turn into something terrible and nasty. I still don’t know what I did 😛

  3. About 13 months ago I would have said: “Tell your friend to get things sorted, a trip to Ikea? Sure the hotdogs are rad but seriously?”

    Now I have to say that I can see where your friend is coming from. Once their first child is born, sometimes the Mom’s priorties get all weird. I see my wife making weird decisions now. This may something similar. I bet she was planning on going to Ikea for the last 6 months and probably thinks she won’t be able to reschedule the trip for another 6 months. I don’t think you should take offense. Moms are an odd bunch.

    If I were you I would have asked to tag along to Ikea. Even if she said ‘no’ I would say: “That’s cool. I’m still heading to Ikea, maybe I will see you there, buy you a 50 cent hot dog and give you a high five and head back to Victoria.” (of course that is how ‘man-friendships’ work I don’t know if that works for women).

    1. iamthenewme says:

      I’m not going to ask to ‘tag along’ on her plans with her husband… I made a point of setting aside time to visit with her on my trip over to the mainland.

  4. Sandeep says:

    Everything changes when you become a parent – including friendships. My suggestion is don’t judge her and don’t take it personally! I’ve been on both ends. She’ll probably be back around when her kids get a bit older and she’ll fill you in on what it was like those first few years. There’s nothing wierd about her priorities now – they just aren’t yours.